The Hurting
by zarelly
Summary: In Katherine's little bubble everything is destruction. She wants out but guilt of her father's death and Lorraine, her mother, won't let her be happy. Brandon wants to know, but she pushes everyone away.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so this is my new story. I'm new at this so criticism is accepted =) Ok so the main character's name is Katherine AKA Katy. If you have any questions or have any ideas they are welcome just send me a message. Thanks!!**

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Many things have happened to me since last year. Too many things happened that I cannot believe happened. One, my father died. Two, my mother, Lorraine has not been what I call a mother to me. And three, I can't get my old life back.

I woke up in the morning feeling empty.

I had a restless night because Lorraine came home at 2 in the morning. It might be cool when your mom goes out with her friends to have a good time once in a while because they deserve it. That's how it all began. In the beginning it was a bunch of her girl friends. Later on it turned to men. That's when she started to go out often. I didn't like it all. Of course she can try to date another man and get to know him and then present him to me and see the results. It didn't go that way, not at all. She went out at 10 and came back late very drunk. She was usually dropped of by a man. The neighbors started to notice and that's when all the rumors started. I was the daughter of a slut. It brought a lot of shame to me.

I got up from my bed and stretched. I felt my shoulders heavy and my legs weak and just laid back down. I looked up at the ceiling and thought back a year when everything was great.

Dad looked at me with a huge smile on his face. "I love you, Katy. You do know that, right?"

I laughed knowing that I did love my father. Why wouldn't I? He has always been there for me, through thick and thin. Then I jumped on his back and heard him grunt.

"Sweetheart, your not the same old 60 pound girl, you know", he said with laugh. I laughed along too because it was true.

A warm tear ran down my face as I remembered. I missed him so much. My heart hurt whenever I thought of him. I felt a big hole in my chest that was raw with pain. I wondered how I could live with such a pain in me. I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I felt the pain. I usually numbed the feeling or was numbed by it. Either way I was numbed so it didn't hurt so much.

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**I know, its short but i only began and i promise you they will get longer!!**

**review please!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2!!**

Just like many other days in the past I tried to think today as a brand new day. As I walked to my bathroom I convinced myself that I wasn't going to be the sad girl in school. I was going to put everything behind me and not dwell in the past. I was not going to think of anything but change my attitude and my whole life style.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and examined myself. I was going to have to wear long sleeves to cover up the scars…I was going to use cover-up to cover disappearing pimples…I needed a lot of change I realized. I could feel my self-esteem go down. I could feel the blackness of depression trying to take over. I could feel guilt in my heart of trying to forget my father's death. I could feel it all engulfing me, burying me in my own little bubble of destruction.

_**NO.**_ _No more_ I thought. I looked up at the mirror and examined myself again. I _will_ do this. I _will_ change. Not for my father, not for Lorraine, but for _me. _I smiled at the girl in the mirror. That girl will change. I laughed at my stupidity, talking to my own reflection. I shook my head slowly and convinced myself it was half normal. It was a motivational speech, right?

Showered and changed I headed down to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Lorraine on the floor, sleeping I assumed. I tip-toed to the fridge and got a juice box. I looked back at Lorraine on the floor with her short dress all wrinkly and smelly. I tried not to think back of the time when she would be ashamed to death if anyone found her like this, _if _they _ever_ found her like _**this**_. I smiled at the hint of shame she _might_ feel now. No, I didn't exactly hate her. She was my own mother, she gave birth to me, and I'm her blood. Even though I didn't want to accept it, it was true. I got the last pop-tart of the box, realizing it was Friday.

I got to the bus stop and saw Brandon there. He looked my way and I saw a smile creeping up on his face. He walked towards me with an amused expression playing over his face.

"Hey", he said. Brandon was 16. He was 5'9"; he had hazel eyes that didn't decide if they wanted to be brown or green. His dark hair covered his forehead. He was Dominican and Argentinean. He had a brilliant smile that could light up my darkest days. We were friends or so I would say. We met last year in December, a football game Darcy dragged me to.

I smiled, confused. "Hi."

"So what's with the change?" he asked.

I looked up at him confused.

"Well you're wearing new clothes." He smiled.

I could feel a blush creeping up. "Yeah, well change is good."

"Yeah it is. And you look good by the way"

I laughed. "Well thanks."

"You really do though." He smiled and his eyes sparkled, they were green today.

"Your eyes are green today".

He laughed a very musical laugh that could be contagious. "Well you're very observant today. And yeah they are green,"

"I like them when they are light brown. But green is acceptable too." I smiled up at him and saw the bus coming.

He looked at me curiously, probably wondering if I've been observing him. "I like your eyes though."

"What's so special about my eyes? They are brown and plain." I said as I climbed the stairs of the bus.

"I beg to differ."

"Ok. Please differ" I found a seat in the back and sat down. He sat next to me and looked at me.

"Well when the sun hits them they turn a lighter shade of brown. Right now, they are chocolate brown and it is a beautiful color. Your eyes are deep, like chocolate pools." His fingers caressed my face. "And your skin is like porcelain, it's transparent, and soft. It's like a milky white. But your eyes are hypnotizing and beautiful"

My breath was caught. I couldn't breath. He was so close to me. His description of my eyes was amazing. His face was inches away from mine. His lips were so close to mine. I could tell he was leaning in to kiss me. I saw his eyes closing, his indecisive eyes.

"Hey guys!" Darcy said. I looked up at her and she realized what was about to happen. Her eyes opened wide. "Ohmygosh! I'm sorry! I'll go away." She turned and walked away, but Brandon caught her arm.

"Darcy, its ok. Nothing was going to happen, right?" He looked at me with a message in his eyes.

"Yeah Dars. C'mon, sit!" I patted the seat next to us.

"But-but I saw..."

"Saw nothing. Darcy, you need your eyes checked." I said and laughed a bit nervously.

"Oh I know! I have an appointment this weekend." She changed the subject on her own.

We spent the whole ride to school talking about what color contacts Darcy should get. After Darcy sat next to us Brandon left to sit with his friend. I could sense him looking at me and when I turned to look at him, he looked away and I smiled.

I was in first period when it happened. The fire alarms went off and the whole school was evacuated in less than 2 minutes. All the teachers were taking attendance, making sure all their students were outside. I looked around for Darcy but I didn't find her. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around quickly, thinking it was my teacher.

"It's cold out." Brandon said.

I looked up at him and laughed. "Well, it is November."

"Are you cold? Cuz I am."

"Yeah I am."

"Ok, then." His arms opened and he hugged me. Since he's really tall I leaned my head on his chest and sighed.

"You know, if a teacher sees us we might get in trouble." I tried to look around but he held me tightly.

"So? We are trying to survive in this cold November day. I think it's passable" We laughed together. In the distance I heard the noise of a fire truck. As it got near, people started murmuring.

"Wow, this looks serious. Do you think it's a real fire?" I asked curious.

"Hopefully. I'm just kidding. Nah, I don't think it is. They always make big deals out of kitchen fires." I cracked a smile.

"_**STUDENTS!" **_Principal DiMarco tried to get our attention. "_**The West Wing had a fire which the firemen are trying to contain. Please remain calm and call your parents to see if they could pick you up**_" At this, the students and faculty started to talk loudly and with fear.

"_My purse is in there" _I heard a girl say.

"_Well, NO SCHOOL!_" A senior said and with that everyone erupted with cheer.

"Hey! Katy!" I heard Darcy call for me. I untangled my arms from Brandon and looked around for her.

"Katy! Over here!" I saw her jumping up and down like a lunatic. I waved my arm for her to come. She wiggled around the crowd and finally got to us.

"Heeeyyy" She said wiggling her eyebrows at us.

"What?" I asked.

"I saw you two all cuddly and warm from over there" she wiggled her eyebrows some more.

I looked up at Brandon who was smiling. "When's your appointment again?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know what I saw" Her cell phone rang. "It's my mom; do you guys want a ride?"

"My parents aren't home," Brandon said.

"Mine either." I said quickly as I thought of Lorraine on the floor.

"Well my mom goes to work in an hour. She could pick us up and drop us off at my house." She offered.

"Yeah, sounds good." I said. Brandon nodded in response.

Darcy picked up her phone. "Hey mom."

"So what do you wanna do?" I asked Brandon.

"Get some pizza. I'm hungry."

I smiled. "Don't you eat breakfast?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes"

"Ok," Darcy closed her phone with a snap. "She's gonna be here in a few. She said to wait at the corner of Maple and Palisade."

"Why? She has to go work early?"

"Yeah, emergency at the company." She said with a shrug.

"Ok well let's get walking, it's cold." Brandon said with a shiver.

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**Kay...another chapter up! Hope you likes it!**

**Sorry it took so long...i was swamped with homework XP.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, ok i know, i know. I take long but hopefully its worth the wait!**

**(its longer!) =D**

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Chapter 3!!

The streets of Garfield are usually quiet. That is one of the reasons that my father wanted to move here. He told us that summer that he wanted peace while he worked. He didn't want to hear loud music, horns beeping, and all city cacophony. I remember the day he told us we were moving. He came through the door wearing a big proud smile on his face. He sat us down on the dining room table. He explained to us what was happening at work. I heard bigger salary, promotion, and moving.

"What? We are **moving**?" I stood up from my chair.

"Sweetie, I know it sounds bad but it's not. We will have more peace there and it will be better, trust me." My father embraced me with one of his bear hugs. Then he tickled me, I was 8 at that time.

The move was very sad for me. I left all my friends behind, I left everything behind. I didn't cry but I was sad. My parents convinced me that I would make more friends and they gave me the "everything will be better, trust us" speech. I believed them of course, I was eight and didn't have a very valuable argument. When we got to Garfield it was too quiet. Nothing was happening in this town. There were no kids playing on the street, no one making a ruckus, mostly peaceful, just like Daddy liked it.

As we got close to the intersection a cold breeze blew and we all shivered.

"It's too cold to walk!" Darcy complained.

Of course she would be cold. She was wearing a skirt with leggings. All she had on was a semi-warm sweater. Darcy has brown eyes, when the sun hits them they usually get lighter. She has a heart-shaped face that at the same time shows her Spanish sides and hides it as well. She has full lips and a small nose. She's taller than me by 2-3 inches, which isn't really that bad. Her hair reaches half way down her back, it is wavy, and brown that shows little red hairs that she has. Today she had her hair in a high ponytail and whenever she walked the hair would go back and forth, left and right.

"We are almost there, stop whining" I told Darcy as we reached the corner.

"Well actually Katy, it **is** cold outside." Brandon said and embraced me from behind. His arms tangled themselves around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I was surprised at how much affection he was showing. Katy looked at me with amusement in her eyes and looked away before Brandon noticed a thing.

"Should I call my mom-" Darcy started to say when her mom's van appeared around the corner. Her mom rolled down the window.

"Sweeties get inside before you catch a cold" Darcy's mom said. Darcy was riding shotgun and Brandon and I sat in the back.

"Hi Mrs. Vargas" I said. She turned around and when she saw Brandon sitting so close next to me with his arm around me, hugging me, her eyes widened slightly.

"Hello Katy. And who is this young man here?" She asked.

"I'm Brandon, nice to meet you Mrs. Vargas" Brandon said and extended his hand out. Mrs. Vargas shook it with a smile and turned around to start driving.

"So where-"

"Uh, Mom just drop us off at the house. We are going to stay at the house because", she hinted at us, "their parents aren't home."

"Ok, sweetie." She smiled; I thought I saw a knowing glint in her eyes.

When we stepped through the door of Darcy's house I instantly felt at home. Here there was no drunken mom screaming bullshit at you for the stupidest things. From the beginning of Lorraine's change I began sleeping over more and more to the point that I had my own drawer of clothes in Darcy's dresser. Mrs. Vaughn, or Maria, was very understanding and supportive during that whole period. She would hold me and tell me everything would be okay whenever she found me crying when I was supposed to be sleeping. I thought I was alone and abandoned, but this family showed me I wasn't and they made me feel comfortable.

I remember one night when Lorraine came to the house drunk and infuriated when she didn't find me at the house. She rang the doorbell like crazy and was banging on the door. She looked like a crazy women, and I was scared and mad. She thought she could come to my safe place to disturb me, she thought she could come and make my life miserable when I was happy. Maria came to Darcy's room to tell us she would take care of everything and to stay in the room just in case anything happened. We didn't listen; we came out of Darcy's room like spies. When we reached the stairs, we watched.

"I want my daughter!" Lorraine screamed in her slurred, drunk speech.

"Look Mrs. Vargas, You are intoxicated right now. So I suggest you go back to your and I will drop Katy off at your house tomorrow." Maria sounded reasonable and calm.

"Well, first, it's MISS Arias. Second, who the hell do you think you are to tell me what me what to do? She is MY daughter and if I want her now, she will come with me, because I want it like THAT!" Lorraine screamed at Maria. And with that, she shoved past Maria and walked into the house looking around. "Where is she? I know she's here!"

"Lorraine, please. Get out of my house. You are drunk right now and not capable of reasoning with anyone. Go to your house before I call the cops." Maria took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"Maria you won't call them" Lorraine challenged her. She put her hands on her hips.

"I don't want to, but I will and you know that."

"FINE! But she is MY DAUGHTER! Not YOURS!" Lorraine screamed and walked out the door and slammed it shut. Maria took a deep breath and turned around. She saw us there with our eyes wide and mouths opened. When we noticed she saw us, we ran back to Darcy's room.

"Home sweet home!" Darcy exclaimed and threw herself on the couch. Brandon looked around, half amazed at the size of Darcy's house. Her house was huge, considering it was only her and her parents.

"Wow. Nice crib" He said nodding. Darcy laughed.

"Yeah, it's just a house, a roof over my head, not much" She said with a shrug.

"Darcy, I'm crashing today, and the rest of the week, if you don't mind." I said.

"What do you mean crashing? This is your house!" She laughed. "You crash over at your house, but you sleep here." I laughed along too because it was true. Brandon looked at us lost, but then dismissed it with a shrug.

"So, Darcy, is your fridge equipped for the winter?" He asked.

"And for the whole year, too." She laughed. "Take anything you want, no one will notice, and I won't tell" She smiled.

"You probably don't know where the kitchen is" I said.

"No, but you are my tour guide. So if you will" he said with his arm out.

"Ok, but don't get lost." I warned and Darcy laughed.

"Nah, I won't" He said with a sweet smile. He put his arm around me again. "So, where's the kitchen?" he asked casually, like his arm being around me was a common thing.

When we got to the kitchen Brandon opened the huge fridge and his face was like a kid's face on Christmas Day.

"I love this house." He said, making a super sandwich.

"Whoa, Brandon. Dang, save some for me" I laughed.

"Oh," he said making a sandwich for me, which was very thin compared to his. He handed to it me.

"Esa miseria?" I asked him in Spanish. (That little thing?)

He laughed. "Sorry, but mine" he held up his sandwich, "took a lot of manpower to make, and I got tired." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Ok, fine. Toma." (Here). He said handing me his sandwich. I smiled extending my hand to take it. "But you have to give me a kiss" He said with a smile.

"Ok," I said. He looked surprised. I kissed his cheek and took the sandwich and ran back to the living room.

"Not fair!" He said running behind me.

"The hell?" Darcy asked when we got to the living room. She looked at us fighting over the Super Sandwich. She rolled her eyes. "Ok, fatasses. We are going to watch a movie. Pick one." She said pointing at the wall of movies she had.

"Wow." Brandon said, completely forgetting about the sandwich. I grabbed it and took a bite. "I pick!" He said.

"I'll make the popcorn," Darcy said leaving for the kitchen.

"Ok, let's watch The Ring" He said with a big smile.

"No!" I said. He laughed. "Let's watch this one" I said taking out a scarier movie. "It has all the gory details"

He looked at me surprised that I liked scary movies.

"You know, not every girl is a girly-girl." I said as I put in the movie and turned off the lights. I sat down on the love seat and he sat next to me. Darcy came back with the popcorn and when she saw the title on the screen she turned around.

"No, I'm so not gonna watch Rec" She said and set the popcorn on the coffee table and turned to go up to her room.

"Oh, come on!" I protested. "It's not that scary"

She sighed. "Ok, fine I'll watch it but if I scream, don't laugh" She said and lay down on the longest couch and covered herself with a blanket.

"Hey, do you have another one of those?" Brandon asked, still cold I assumed.

"Yeah" I said getting another blanket. I gave it to him and he covered us both when I sat down.

All of this affection he's showing towards me is weird. He has always been nice to me but kept his distance. Now he is super close, with his arm around me, under the blanket. I saw Darcy with my peripheral vision and she was wiggling her eyebrows like crazy, she mouthed "Told ya!". I gave her a confused look but I know what she meant. Since February she has been telling me that Brandon liked me. I told her no, he didn't and that she was seeing things. She was very persistent for a while but then stopped when Brandon went out with Jennifer Colons. When I saw them together I got kind of sad because deep down I wanted him to like me. As soon as the feelings came, they left and I got over it.

Now it's all confusing. I think I might still have those feelings for him because my stomach is doing flips. So now I know where does feelings went. They didn't go away I just hid them deep down so I wouldn't get hurt, and it worked. Now he's showing all of this feeling and closeness and he's making me feel girly and loved. Something I haven't felt in a long time. I like feeling like this, with his arm around all cozy and warm. How could I have not told him I had feelings for him? I don't know but when the movie's over, I will. Well, if I get the guts to tell him until then.

As the movie was ending, I was getting prepared to tell him. Darcy went to her room when the zombies began to appear. So now we were all alone, under the blanket, with his arm still around me. When the credits came I turned to face him which made his arm get off my shoulder. He got startled and looked at me with alert in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked me.

"Um I have to tell you something"

"Yeah, hold on." He said and picked up his phone. He got up and walked away. I sighed. All my courage went away. I felt it slip and run away from me.

"Sorry about that" he said with an apologetic smile "Tell me, what's up?"

"Oh, um nothing just forget about it." I said with a nervous smile.

"No, come on tell me." He encouraged me.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I couldn't tell him, I don't know what I was thinking. "Never mind" I smiled.

He sighed. "Ok fine. But I need to tell you something," he looked at my hand and put it in his, "very important" He looked me in the eye.

Right then, right at that moment everything stopped. My heart started racing at one hundred miles per hour. I tried to control my breathing from going out of control. I didn't want these feelings, but I couldn't help it.

"I need help with biology" he told me. I took my hand out of his. My breathed in a deep breath to control this disappointment. How could I be so stupid? I knew it wasn't possible. I'll pay later for this hope. I know I will. I turned around to face him and smiled my best "nothing's wrong" smile.

"Sure, in what?" I asked him, swallowing the whole feeling.

We started to talk about Biology when Darcy came downstairs and joined us. We studied with Darcy's textbook that she left at home. We laughed and had a good time. At around 12 we ordered pizza. We ate the whole pie until 1 and got studying again. Darcy got bored and we started to Sorry, the new game. We didn't notice it was past 4 when we stopped playing. Brandon hurried home and I stayed with Darcy.

"So what happened with Brandon?" At the sound of his name my stomach hurt.

"Nothing" I said the half-truth.

"You're lying" She knew me too well.

I sighed and told her everything. I told her about the pain, about the almost heart break, and about how I better forget about him.

"No, Katy! Why? You don't have to." She told me.

"You heard how he was talking about Desirae," I frowned a bit, "And it is for the best. Period. End of Conversation." .

"But-"

"No, Darcy please drop it." I told her in full honesty. I didn't want to talk about the pain because it brought more pain.

"Ok, then" she gave up.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. _

"It's Lorraine." I told her. Lorraine got me the phone when I had come to Darcy's house without telling her. She said she didn't want me to disappear. I laughed, took the phone, and went to my room.

"Yeah" I said on the phone.

"_Where are you?_"

"At Darcy's" I said.

"_Get home now! THIS is your house! Now get your ass here!_" She screamed over the phone and hung up.

"She wants me home" I told Darcy as I put the phone back in my pocket.

"So? Stay." She shrugged and sat down and turned on the cable.

"I'll be here at night, Dars. Later." I told her and got my backpack.

She sighed. "You don't have to listen to her, you know." She called after me as I went out the door.

"Don't want to, but I have to." I told her and closed the door behind and began walking home, about 5 blocks away.

I got home and was attacked by a strong smell of alcohol. I breathed it in to get used it and after a couple breaths I didn't notice the smell.

"I'M HERE!" I yelled hoping she would hear me. I ran up the stairs and closed my bedroom door and locked it. I sighed and held back the tears a little longer until I got to the bathroom. I put my backpack down on my desk and began taking my clothes off to get in the shower. I put my bathrobe on and went into my bathroom. I turned on the water and it came out hot. I let the whole room fill with steam and covered the waterhole to fill the tub. When the tub was filled with enough water I got in. My body got chills and got goossebumps skin as it I felt the heat of the water. I got in slowly and when my whole body was in I relaxed. I put my head up and stared up at the ceiling and played over what happened today with Brandon. I shook my head in disappointment when I remembered that feeling of hope I had. It was stupid, and I knew that, but I wanted to hope, and now I'm paying for it, with all the tears that are running down my face with no sign of stopping.

I cried for many reasons. I let myself drown in the dark pool inside me. I let all the sadness engulf me. It came twice as hard because I hid it all day and tried to be happy. I felt a pang of guilt hit me like a truck would. I cried even more after that. I know it's not my fault, I know I should try to be happy and forget about this, I know, I know! But it's too hard to forget. All I could do know is cry, it's all I got left. That's what I think.

I took a shower after 15 minutes of 'relaxing'. I did my whole routine of face washing and applying lotion to my whole body. When I was done at the bathroom I got out and shivered, my whole body used to the warmth of the bathroom. I got my blanket and covered myself as I got in my desk and laid out all the books to start doing my homework when I heard a knock on my door.

I got up and answered the door. "What?"

"I'm going out" Lorraine said and I checked what she was wearing. She was wearing no make-up, jeans, and a t-shirt. "I'm going food shopping. I'll back in about an hour."

"'Kay" I said and was about to close the door when her hand stopped me.

"Look, I'm trying here. Now if you put your part we can get through this." She told me in a bitchy way.

"Yo no tengo que hacer nada que no quiera hacer!" i screamed at her. (I don't have to anything i don't want to do!)

"A mi no me importa, lo vas a hacer por que yo quiero que lo hagas" She told me.

(I don't care, you will do it because I want you to do it) She wanted me to feel small, defenseless, and abandoned. I had enough of her, for her treating me like a slave, like a puppet.

"Why do you treat me like this? I'm your daughter, and you're treating me like a puppet, Lorraine. Ya no puedo mas, me cansaste." (I can't do this anymore, you tired me out.)

"Y yo soy tu madre. Me tenes que respetar. It doesn't matter if i go out, it doesn't matter you still owe me respect." (And I am your mother. You have to respect me)

"I owe you nothing! Nada! Me tratas como un muñeco! Ya estoy cansada del maltrato! I'm tired of the ignorance and tired of you!" I screamed at her and shut the door on her face. (Nothing! You treat me like a worthless toy!)

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**Ok, so how was it? good? depressing? TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! **

**reviews make me happy =)**


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